thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the liver wants what the liver wants
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
