i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
