just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
