I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
