Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
