I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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