He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
