I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
