apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This is classic penis vs brain.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
