how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
