I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
