I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
