Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
