It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
