Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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