everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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