I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
