i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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