Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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