ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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