He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
