my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
