1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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