Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
