Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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