im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
