Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
