i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
