so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
