I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need to calm my uterus...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
