In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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