took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
