we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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