As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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