i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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