I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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