If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she looked like the before picture.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
