i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
