i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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