He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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