last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
