i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
