and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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