I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
