well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
