fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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