Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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