it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
