Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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