Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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