Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
