I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
