We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
