if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
